The Journey - Chapter 9 PREVIEW
by PixelEm
Summary: ***This is a preview for the next chapter of my fic The Journey. NOTE: WILL BE DELETED ONCE THE FULL CHAPTER IS UP


**Hello again, all you wonderful Thomas fans! :D**

 **First of all, I'm so,** _ **so**_ **incredibly sorry for how late the next chapter of** _ **The Journey**_ **is; even more than that, I'm so sorry that I haven't given you any sort of explanation.**

 **The thing is, I'm on a bit of a self-imposed fanfiction hiatus right now. I have a lot of important personal things that I need to work on, and along with that, I've been working my hardest at my original stories for the past few months, including participating in NaNoWriMo last month. Right now I'm focused on my short stories and a novella, all of which I want to publish eventually. As you can see, because of that, I haven't been able to work on this story nearly as m** **uch as before.**

 **Now, before anyone worries about this: no I am absolutely NOT cancelling** _ **The Journey**_ **, I am fully determined to finish it, I mean, this story means way too much to me to just let it die. But just know that I might not be updating as frequently as of right now; I'm still totally going to get the whole thing done before this time next year, don't worry, it won't be nearly** _ **that**_ **bad of a hiatus, but, yeah.**

 **I** _ **do**_ **, however, have a little snippet of the next chapter completed though, so I figured I'd put it out for all you guys for putting up with such a long wait for new content from me ;)**

 **With all of that said, please enjoy this little preview! :D**

 **DISCLAIMER: I've never owned anything even close to something as awesome or popular as** _ **Thomas & Friends**_ **or** _ **The Railway Series**_ **(I cry...)**

I owe you listeners an apology - and, by extension, a confession.

I know what a lot of you must be thinking. I've explained before that, in the grand scheme of things, I am truly the worst engine my children can ever turn to when conflict finds them. I don't have the power to lessen their struggles' weight, and I certainly don't have the power to solve their problems in their stead. I can't even appear to them in their conscious, awake reality; I can only break through the barrier between me and my precious children after they fall asleep, when they finally escape reality and enter the dream realm. Only there can they see me, and only there can I say everything I've ever wanted to say to them.

But I'm certain that a lot of you, even if you do not say so, might be thinking that I am lying. To use a less harsh phrase, some of you might be believing that what I've said is less than truthful. How can you possibly have so little power? some of you ask, Aren't you _Lady_ , the Magical Engine? The engine who created the very first locomotive on Earth? The engine who had the power to create engines of all kinds, and then give them to humans to be their eternal companions? Surely you can do far more than just that! If you can create these machines as we know them, then you are more powerful than any other being on Earth! If you can do that, then you _must_ have the power to protect your engines when they need you!

But then the more cynical of you listeners ask much simpler questions: You definitely have that power, so why are you hiding it? Why are you leaving these machines, whom you say you love _ever so much_ , to fend for themselves when you could save them in an instant?

I honestly wish I could answer "Yes" to those questions, because, even though it would expose me as a horrible mother, it would still mean that I _am_ more powerful than I truly am.

I see what's happening with you, all of my machine listeners - all of you engines, specifically. It pains me to see the confusion and hurt on your faces and inside your hearts, and for that, I am so, _so_ sorry. I've heard all the legends about me, all the tales and myths passed on from engine to engine; every single one characterizes me as an all-knowing, flawless deity. Conflict would find me and the humans and engines I watched over, but no matter the struggle I was always able to beat it, with the power of my compassion, my empathy, with _something_.

You engines have heard and adored these stories your entire lives; in them you found hope and comfort in the idea that somewhere out there, on a mountaintop that no one could find, there sat a magical engine, the engine who brought you into the world and gave you life, who would always arrive when you were at your lowest and bring you happiness again. She would come whenever you called, and even the harshest of your hardships didn't frighten you for long, because you knew – you knew it in your hearts – that your mother would save you whenever it looked like all would be lost. She created you, and she will protect you, no matter what.

I cannot tell you all how many instances I wished that were true.

I understand why you engines ay be shocked, why you may feel betrayed, even. But please know that that is not my fault, but the fault of the tales that have been passed on. Such tales are comforting, yes, but they often sacrifice the truth for the sake of comfort.

But, if I may be honest my dear listeners, although right now I would give anything to be the same flawless Lady you've imagined and praised in the stories, before Thomas set one wheel onto that steelworks's land, I rarely wanted that at all. In fact, I rather despised the idea. Clearly, this was not out of malice towards my children, but rather, I felt that it would be a great disservice towards them. Although I am still their mother and I cannot stand seeing them struggle, I never wanted my children to rely on me all the time. I didn't want them to rely on me at all. I wanted to see them grow, I wanted to see them face their challenges and resolve their issues with their own wits and their own companions – to become their own person, to put it in more human terms. Some of you may still interpret this line of thinking as cruel, which I understand, but in the long run it does create some truly spectacular results. Take, for example, just a couple of years ago, when Percy the Small Engine became convinced that Thomas wasn't taking his fears about monsters on Sodor seriously, and that he needed to find better friends far, far away from the island to be happy again. It tore Thomas apart, knowing that he had inadvertently hurt his friend, and he did everything he could to mend their once-inseparable bond. His efforts – along with Percy's – truly paid off when Percy met Thomas again and declared how much he missed him. Thomas had just chuckled and told Percy that he was just happy that he was safe again, and in the weeks that followed the two looked as if they'd never fallen out whatsoever.

You may have noticed that I had no role at all during these events. I did not even speak to either engine through their dreams, I never gave them any advice or explained what they each had to do to resolve their conflict. And, honestly, this was a smart decision on my part, no? Would their conflict have resolved more genuinely if I'd just told them what to do and how to feel? Would their bond have grown as strong as it did had they just followed my instructions, instead of experiencing such implicit "instructions" on their own? Of course not; if all these years of watching over machines and humans has taught me anything, it's that experience develops individuals' characters far more than a simple lecture can.

When I first realized that I made a vow that I still keep to this day: I wouldn't interact with my children, and whenever I _did_ I would only do so on very rare occasions, only if it seems like they had no one else to turn to, if they become so devoid of hope that only a meeting with the magical engine herself can lift them to their wheels again.

Some of you engines out there must have experienced this. Even Thomas himself has, only once before, when the Sodor airport was still under construction, but the growing ire between the steam and diesel engines made it near impossible to complete it. All of the engines involved felt the disappointment like a particularly rough shunt, with many of them worried that Sir Topham Hatt might not consider them useful any more. Thomas had felt this possibility quite strongly, but not as strongly as the guilt that came with it. He'd believed that he'd caused most of the conflict – from switching around Devious Diesel's trains or boasting that he was more useful than him, or perhaps both, he was not certain, but he still felt like his own wheels alone had paved the way for the current heartache.

He knew how cross and upset everyone was, especially his Tidmouth friends, who didn't even have their warm sheds to go back to, as they'd been totally destroyed by a vicious storm several days prior. He felt like nobody wanted to talk to him at all. How could I refuse to pay him a gentle visit, when clearly all he wanted and needed in those moments was somebody to talk to?

So I did it. On the night when he was feeling his worst I entered his dreamscape, where he was riding along a line of tracks along a small mountain. Oh, seeing his adorable shocked face upon meeting me for the first time still makes me laugh even now. He only looked even more surprised when Rusty the Narrow Gauge Diesel Engine appeared in the dream beside me, pulling a line of trucks filled to the brim with quarry stone.

I told him the simple fact that helped him amend his situation in the morning – _"We all do our best when we work together"_ – but for once I didn't feel as though I was reciting from a lecture. I felt those words stronger than I ever had before, perhaps because I was fulfilling what they proposed; I was working with Thomas, just as he and his steam-powered friends needed to work with the diesel engines, to heal the wounds and ensure that he became confident enough to tackle his challenge head-on.

…Perhaps that is the reason why I cannot bring myself to visit Thomas anymore, no matter how distraught he is. When I visited him then I'd connected with him more than I ever had from just observing him from behind an invisible wall; my role as a mother to him, my precious son, became ever so clear. I felt responsible for the happiness he felt as a result of our meeting; after all, if it hadn't been for me, he never would have found it in himself to face what he believed he'd done, is that not accurate? _I_ certainly felt so – and I felt it again when I visited him for the second time, just barely a month's time ago.

…Once again, my dear listeners, I must apologize for any confusion and pain I've caused you with all of these revelations. I'm so sorry that you had to hear them like this. But I'm even more sorry that even more are about to follow.

I'm going to tell you why I can't stand the thought of Thomas seeing me again. I will tell you what happened on _that_ night, and everything that lead up to it. I will tell you why I now wish I truly could make all of my children's hardships disappear. I will explain what I meant when I said I know exactly how it feel to believe that you're the cause of everyone's problems.

To every single one of you:

I'm so, _so_ sorry.

 **And there you go! What do you guys think? Are you still intrigued in what will happen next? Please let me know in the reviews! :D**

 **I'm determined to have the full chapter out in January, so keep a sharp eye out for it ;)**

 **BUT, in the meantime: if you're a fan of my writing** _ **and**_ **you want to help me build my professional writing career, there is a way you can help me and give me feedback on my original works-in-progress! I'm on the site BetaBooks, where, if you're a writer like me and you want good, specific feedback from general audiences, or if you're a reader who wants to help a writer out by reading their works-in-progress chapter-by-chapter and letting them know what you liked about it and what you believe could make it even better, then you can sign up and create an account on BetaBooks and help out that way! If that's something that interests you, then you can go down to the link below to receive an invitation to read my work!**

 **(NOTE: this link gives you an invitation to read my WIP novella only; as I upload more books, I'll have to query and invite you to read for that specific book each time. Also, you can** _ **ONLY**_ **read by invitation, and you must commit to reading and giving feedback. BetaBooks is a beta reading site, not something like or ArchiveofOurOwn, that's meant to form a community of writers and readers interested in helping great stories become even greater and give them better chances at getting published. If I find that you're reading my books and aren't giving any feedback at all, then I have full right to revoke the invitation. In other words, you have to** _ **really commit**_ **to helping me better my craft.)**

 **Here's the link:** **betabooks- _dot_ -co** **- _slash_ -signup- _slash_ -book- _slash_ -k486ge **Replace the slashes and dots with the actual punctuation, doesn't do direct links**

 **Thank you all for sticking with me in this crazy world of creating stories to share with wonderful readers like yourselves! :D**

 **Anywho, with all of that said, many** _ **many**_ **thanks go out to all you wonderful Thomas fans for checking out this preview! See you guys in the next full chapter of** _ **The Journey**_ **! Love y'all! :D**

 **~Pixel**


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